Here we go… mentally prepping for a grocery store trip… with (gasp) my children.
The hubs and I must have been crazy, out of our minds, insane, psycho, circus people to have, wait for it, THREE children- and on top of that- oh yes- they are all boys… can you believe the horror!!!! Yes, people, I have 3 children, who, luck would have it, are (gasp again) BOYS- insert scary movie scream!!! One of the fun parts of having boys is that they eat. a.lot. I am constantly worried about how we are going to afford to feed them when they are teen agers, but right now I'm keeping up with feeding little people and it is hard enough! If we would like to continue to eat- we have to go to the grocery store- since it is frowned upon to leave little people at home alone- we must ALL trek to the store. I'm not going to lie- there have been, and will be again, times where I wanted to stick a kid (or two) on the shelf and leave him for someone else to buy. I many have had a time when I wanted to spend a few extra bucks on bungie chords and duck tape to strap a child to the front of a cart and tape him up to keep him quiet- ha ha, I could just imagine the faces of people as I gingerly strolled down the isle with a hostage taped to the front of my cart!! Those who don't have three boys 4 and under- don't judge me… they were only thoughts!!
Lately, the boys have been pretty fun to go places with. We talk, we joke, we play games… we may look like a hot mess, but we are usually having a pretty ok time. This particular trip to the store started like any… I needed milk. I said it- one thing… Milk. I go in and instantly think- we should get a watermelon, and cereal, and yogurt… annnd, It spirals out of control from there… you know how that goes. So, since it was the last stop on our day of errands, the kids were tired and not really feeling it, but they love their milk, so in we go. On to loading them up in the cart. Ahh, the grocery cart… A trip to the store with 3 kids pretty much goes two ways when it comes to the cart. You either have room for 1 kid in the front of the cart and the other two have to either walk or hang on to the sides… not the front- that ends up with fighting on who gets the front and then the cart pulls to the side where the other kid is and it's like driving a car with one flat tire and then somehow there is some type of intricate display of something fragile at the end of every isle. Not awesome- so my rule is one on each side. OR, all 3 in the cart and you have absolutely no room in the cart for any groceries so you now have to push a cart with all three kids and pull an empty cart for the groceries. Personally, I have tried the pull a cart thing once or twice. A person can only tolerate catching your heel on the front of a cart so many times while trying to navigate the store and keep 3 kids happy before your head explodes and you lash out at a unsuspecting deli person… "I said OVEN ROASTED turkey, seriously, OVEN-ROASTED!!!" So we stick with the two hold on method. This particular trip- Cooper J, after about 10 min in the store (perfect amount of time for if I was really only getting milk) says his legs are tired and he can't hold on anymore. I get it- it's dinner time, and we have been at it for most of the day. If I had someone to carry me while I shopped- you better believe I would make.that.happen... For me- it is way easier to grocery shop, push a cart, and hold a kid by putting him on my shoulders. This doesn't work for everyone, but for me- and for Cooper J- it works like a charm. No whining, no crying, he is happy to be up high, and I am glad I can continue on with my shopping without a major melt down.
Apparently this scenario, Cart of groceries, one kid riding in the front of the cart, one hanging on to the front (approved spot now that he is the only one hanging on) and one kid on my shoulders, makes people feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is the only word I could think of to use because people stop, practically in their tracks, when they see us coming and then I guess feel like they know that they have starred too long and now must say something to combat their rude gawking. This is the part I don't understand. I have three kids- not 15 running wild and crazy. I have one shopping cart- not 8 with luggage straps holding them together. My kids are usually happy and/or laughing trying to help me shop and pick out things- not screaming, crying, throwing fits, or being rude. So why do people and their comments make me feel like we just escaped from a loony bin or that three kids is such an imaginable concept in todays society. Maybe we look like more of a mess than I feel like. Maybe we have come such a long way that I don't realize that we are still an absolute mess. Maybe my kids are so cute that people find any excuse to strike up a conversation and spend more time looking at them. Maybe it is me and not the kids that they want to talk to/look at. Either way, "WOW, you have your hands full", "What isle did you pick them up on", "Wow, you must have some serious patience", "Wow, really, ALL boys!!", I could go on for a while longer, but it all seems to make me feel like a freak of nature for having three kids and that I do not have it as together as I think I do. Not a great feeling.
So the next time you see someone cruising the isles with her brood, train wreck or not- but especially the train wreck lad- and you feel the need to say one of those above comments, maybe substitute it for "You look so good- no way ALL of those kids are yours!!" or "You look like you could take over the world- go girl!" Or pretty much any type of cheesy compliment would be awesome. Telling me that I look like I have my hands full just makes me think that I have food in my hair, look like a rolling train wreck, or just stating the obvious because I do literally have my hands, and shoulders full.
So, my new response to these kind of statements will, from now on, be… "Hands full- no way, I've got this"…. because I do… most of the time. Followed up with a high five. Boom.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
Snakes… Oy.
As I may have mention in a story here or there, I feel like I'm a pretty tough cookie. I survived a bat, actually several episodes of bats, in my bedroom, I can handle bugs and creepy crawlies for the most part. I have seen snakes before and have never been really freaked out- but I've never been in a situation where I was forced to deal with one directly. I (hanging my head in the women's movement shame) have always had a man around, i.e., husband, brother, Dad, etc. to help me out. Now that Eric works part of the week in New York I have to handle situations that I would normally not have to. A random beetle in the house, daddy long leg spider that the boys brought in the house to show me… easy peasy. Recently we have had a serious of events happen that have caused me to rethink my tough girl title. Snakes. Oy, Snakes...
The kids and I were at the pool at my brothers house. I am putting toys away and the biggest snake I have seen in a VERY long time practically slithers over my foot to get out of where I was, and the kids were a few minutes before (Oy). My chest tightened. Crap, what do I do now? I yell to my sister-in-law who happened to be outside that there was a "Snnnaaaaaake" (Inside joke from the last time I got cornered by a snake in her basement) She comes down to see the snake and then all of us agree that Pop Pop (my dad) needs to come and get the snake and take it over to the woods away from the pool house. He does his manly man thing and not only gets the snake away from the building, but is brave enough to hold this at least 5ft snake so that the kids can all "ohhhh" and "aaahhhh" and touch it. I even told him- "I'd make a terrible man- I'm not sure I could have done that!" He rolled his eyes, because I'm ridiculous, and puffed up his chest… yup, he is the man.
Fast forward a week or so… In this time, I actually say out loud to someone- "Yeah, there are snakes over here (around the corner from my house) but I haven't seen any over at our house…" Not quite smug, but defiantly delusional and caused Karma to come after me. I pretty much asked for it.
Tuesday, July, 1 2014. I watch my niece and nephew one day a week during the summer. They had just been dropped off and went around the back of the house to play. I talk for a minute to my sister and then she leaves. I go around back to rally the troops and see what they are up to. Cooper J is sitting down in the middle of the yard crying. He is 2 and sometimes throws fits when he doesn't get to say goodbye to people before they leave so I assumed it was that since he didn't say bye to my sister. I yell "Whats wrong buddy" to which he, through tears, says "Bite me" while pointing to something a few feet away. I thought it might have been a bee or something so I yell back from the deck "What bit you?" He cries back at me "Snake bite me" Well that got my full attention… I yell back as I'm running to him "A WHAT BIT YOU!!!!????? " He looked at me like I had two heads because I'm running at him with probably a freaked out face… "the snake" and pointed again to right next to him.
Sure enough… A FLIPPING SNAKE!!!! A SNAKE BIT MY BABY!!!! Holy crap. What do I do??!! Step 1. Remove the kid from two feet away from the snake that just bit him and is still coiled and pulsing. It did not look happy.
(the infamous snake that bit Cooper J)
Step 2. Take a pic of the snake and text to everyone to find out type of snake because I DON'T HAVE A CLUE what kind of snake it is!!! Not to mention what to do now that he has been bit. Turns out it was a Garder snake and is harmless… unless you are 2 and step on it and try to pick it up. Funny, because that is what he just watched my Dad do about a week before to pick up the giant snake at the pool. Pretty smart that kid… minus the try to pick up a snake part. Step 3. Go to ER (by direction of pediatrician and urgent care nurse when I kept trying to dodge the ER) to get bite check out.
Thursday July 3, 2014. I had yard work to do before Eric came home for the weekend. I have a "Mothers helper" babysitter come over to help with the kids while I'm outside trying to get things done. I have my headphones, I have a class of water, I go to pull the tarp off of the lawn mower and BAM….
another snake!!!!!
Seriously??!!! Another flipping snake! Now I am trapped. I am all set to mow the lawn, and am cornered by this snake that has weaved its way into the side vent of the mower. What to do… What to do… Husband is in New York, Brother in law is at work, Dad isn't answering phone… I'm starting to think I'm going to have to deal with this myself. CRAP. Finally, I get a hold of my brother. ME: Are you home? Him: No, (whispering) I'm at the chiropractor, whats up? Me: I have a snake situation and I am a big WEENIE and can't just grab it. Come help me please!! Him: Sorry! (as he chuckles) I'm not home. Just poke it with a stick or something. Me: Aww Man… Another desperate call to my Dad and leave a pathetic message ending with "HELP ME!!" and I am forced to take matters into my own hands. No, not hands literally- as I am now completely disappointed in myself because I am a big fat chicken. I grabbed a rake and, leaning over as far as I can while holding the stick end of the rake all the way out, poke the snake. I'm not sure what I expected to happen- normally when you poke a wild animal, they get scared and run away. Nope, no such luck. The dang thing didn't even move! I thought, maybe it's dead and I can just grab it- but first... maybe I should poke it again just to be sure. It was not dead. It moved just a little but now I was just getting frustrated because I was so lame and was wasting time! I thought, maybe I can hook it with a prong of the rake and kind of fling it off to the side… seriously, it couldn't be that easy. No, as soon as I tried to hook it, it moved further into the engine. I flip the hood open (with the rake- I'm still a big weenie) and am trying to see where it went, I poke around some more see it move and then poke some more and then lost where it went. Crap. Now I'm not sure where it is, I've pissed it off by poking at it with a rake, and now in order to start the engine and get moving (or secretly maybe hoping that the engine somehow flings it out and away from me) I have to push down a pedal to put my ankle directly next to the last place I saw the pissed off snake. Awesome. I did the whole "I only need 20 second of insane bravery- circa "We bought a zoo" movie" and did it. I'm pretty sure I held my breath the whole time while mentally chanting "Please don't bite me, please don't bite me" Engine started, snake was still MIA, and I was able to zip off and get my yard work done- only 35 minutes behind schedule. Bravery level, 3 out of 10. Still disappointing.
Today, July 7, 2014. Today the boys found a snake skin. I'm pretty sure the snakes are now just messing with me. What is worse, seeing the snake and knowing where to avoid or to call a brave man to come help remove said snake or to only see the skin- knowing that it is out there just waiting and being all sneaky hiding where I least expect it then BAM- snake in your face!!
I am aware that I have now blown the whole snake thing out of proportion, and that the snakes that I have had to encounter solo have been pretty small, non venomous and Cooper J's bite could have been much worse, but I have decided to get some gloves to make me brave. You know the black butcher kind that come up to your armpits and that will make me more tough for next time. Thats right- next snake that I come across- watch out. I'm going to pick you up and let the kids pet you for a while. Teach 'em a lesson or two about coming in to my yard!! Yeah right, I'll probably still chicken out and call for help or leave it alone and pretend I didn't see it. Dang, I'm such a weenie.
S.
The kids and I were at the pool at my brothers house. I am putting toys away and the biggest snake I have seen in a VERY long time practically slithers over my foot to get out of where I was, and the kids were a few minutes before (Oy). My chest tightened. Crap, what do I do now? I yell to my sister-in-law who happened to be outside that there was a "Snnnaaaaaake" (Inside joke from the last time I got cornered by a snake in her basement) She comes down to see the snake and then all of us agree that Pop Pop (my dad) needs to come and get the snake and take it over to the woods away from the pool house. He does his manly man thing and not only gets the snake away from the building, but is brave enough to hold this at least 5ft snake so that the kids can all "ohhhh" and "aaahhhh" and touch it. I even told him- "I'd make a terrible man- I'm not sure I could have done that!" He rolled his eyes, because I'm ridiculous, and puffed up his chest… yup, he is the man.
Fast forward a week or so… In this time, I actually say out loud to someone- "Yeah, there are snakes over here (around the corner from my house) but I haven't seen any over at our house…" Not quite smug, but defiantly delusional and caused Karma to come after me. I pretty much asked for it.
Tuesday, July, 1 2014. I watch my niece and nephew one day a week during the summer. They had just been dropped off and went around the back of the house to play. I talk for a minute to my sister and then she leaves. I go around back to rally the troops and see what they are up to. Cooper J is sitting down in the middle of the yard crying. He is 2 and sometimes throws fits when he doesn't get to say goodbye to people before they leave so I assumed it was that since he didn't say bye to my sister. I yell "Whats wrong buddy" to which he, through tears, says "Bite me" while pointing to something a few feet away. I thought it might have been a bee or something so I yell back from the deck "What bit you?" He cries back at me "Snake bite me" Well that got my full attention… I yell back as I'm running to him "A WHAT BIT YOU!!!!????? " He looked at me like I had two heads because I'm running at him with probably a freaked out face… "the snake" and pointed again to right next to him.
Sure enough… A FLIPPING SNAKE!!!! A SNAKE BIT MY BABY!!!! Holy crap. What do I do??!! Step 1. Remove the kid from two feet away from the snake that just bit him and is still coiled and pulsing. It did not look happy.
Step 2. Take a pic of the snake and text to everyone to find out type of snake because I DON'T HAVE A CLUE what kind of snake it is!!! Not to mention what to do now that he has been bit. Turns out it was a Garder snake and is harmless… unless you are 2 and step on it and try to pick it up. Funny, because that is what he just watched my Dad do about a week before to pick up the giant snake at the pool. Pretty smart that kid… minus the try to pick up a snake part. Step 3. Go to ER (by direction of pediatrician and urgent care nurse when I kept trying to dodge the ER) to get bite check out.
Thursday July 3, 2014. I had yard work to do before Eric came home for the weekend. I have a "Mothers helper" babysitter come over to help with the kids while I'm outside trying to get things done. I have my headphones, I have a class of water, I go to pull the tarp off of the lawn mower and BAM….
another snake!!!!!
Seriously??!!! Another flipping snake! Now I am trapped. I am all set to mow the lawn, and am cornered by this snake that has weaved its way into the side vent of the mower. What to do… What to do… Husband is in New York, Brother in law is at work, Dad isn't answering phone… I'm starting to think I'm going to have to deal with this myself. CRAP. Finally, I get a hold of my brother. ME: Are you home? Him: No, (whispering) I'm at the chiropractor, whats up? Me: I have a snake situation and I am a big WEENIE and can't just grab it. Come help me please!! Him: Sorry! (as he chuckles) I'm not home. Just poke it with a stick or something. Me: Aww Man… Another desperate call to my Dad and leave a pathetic message ending with "HELP ME!!" and I am forced to take matters into my own hands. No, not hands literally- as I am now completely disappointed in myself because I am a big fat chicken. I grabbed a rake and, leaning over as far as I can while holding the stick end of the rake all the way out, poke the snake. I'm not sure what I expected to happen- normally when you poke a wild animal, they get scared and run away. Nope, no such luck. The dang thing didn't even move! I thought, maybe it's dead and I can just grab it- but first... maybe I should poke it again just to be sure. It was not dead. It moved just a little but now I was just getting frustrated because I was so lame and was wasting time! I thought, maybe I can hook it with a prong of the rake and kind of fling it off to the side… seriously, it couldn't be that easy. No, as soon as I tried to hook it, it moved further into the engine. I flip the hood open (with the rake- I'm still a big weenie) and am trying to see where it went, I poke around some more see it move and then poke some more and then lost where it went. Crap. Now I'm not sure where it is, I've pissed it off by poking at it with a rake, and now in order to start the engine and get moving (or secretly maybe hoping that the engine somehow flings it out and away from me) I have to push down a pedal to put my ankle directly next to the last place I saw the pissed off snake. Awesome. I did the whole "I only need 20 second of insane bravery- circa "We bought a zoo" movie" and did it. I'm pretty sure I held my breath the whole time while mentally chanting "Please don't bite me, please don't bite me" Engine started, snake was still MIA, and I was able to zip off and get my yard work done- only 35 minutes behind schedule. Bravery level, 3 out of 10. Still disappointing.
Today, July 7, 2014. Today the boys found a snake skin. I'm pretty sure the snakes are now just messing with me. What is worse, seeing the snake and knowing where to avoid or to call a brave man to come help remove said snake or to only see the skin- knowing that it is out there just waiting and being all sneaky hiding where I least expect it then BAM- snake in your face!!
I am aware that I have now blown the whole snake thing out of proportion, and that the snakes that I have had to encounter solo have been pretty small, non venomous and Cooper J's bite could have been much worse, but I have decided to get some gloves to make me brave. You know the black butcher kind that come up to your armpits and that will make me more tough for next time. Thats right- next snake that I come across- watch out. I'm going to pick you up and let the kids pet you for a while. Teach 'em a lesson or two about coming in to my yard!! Yeah right, I'll probably still chicken out and call for help or leave it alone and pretend I didn't see it. Dang, I'm such a weenie.
S.
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