Tails from the Toilet... The Saga Continues...

I swear that I am two poops in the pants away from giving up on potty training and letting Mason wear diapers till he is in college and it is not my problem any more.  Before he was born I thought... wow, being pregnant is kind of uncomfortable... then he was born and then there were the newborn struggles, then he got mobile and the struggles of baby proofing the house so he didn't drink drain cleaner on accident.  Here we are 2 1/2 years later, having survived all of the above and taken everything pretty much in stride.  It makes me think of the movie "He's Just Not That into You".  You hear of these kids who are potty trained well before they are 2 years old (ahem Wyatt Engelmann) and the parents did nothing to encourage it- just went with it (ahem Laura Engelmann) and poof! Success!!  I have come to the conclusion that the stories you hear like The Engelmann's are the "exception" that make you think that there is hope for you to have the same success.  My family is the "Rule".  Mason is now more than half way to 3 years old and is working on potty training (for the last several months)-key word here is "working", which means that I am ready to pull out my hair.  I had heard that it is more difficult with boys (thank goodness I have two of them) and that it takes longer, but I though- hey, I'm super mom- totally going to be a breeze- I will get him to do it in record time.  NOT the case!
I have done tons of research, tried several methods, waited till he was "ready", and even bought the "Potty train in 3 days" book.  And what have I learned? It is all nonsense and despite my efforts, research, and proactivity- Mason still goes #2 in his pants.  Potty trained in 3 days... yeah, don't even get me started.
I have just about hit my limit.  I have done some things as a mother that I NEVER imagined in a million years that I would EVER do and am shocked every time at how it doesn't phase me at all anymore to rinse out undies in the toilet anymore... I'm sure he is going to get it- I pray every day that today will be the day- but until then I just refrain from losing my temper/patience/confidence/etc and stick with it because gosh darn it- today WILL be the day he gets it!!!

Fitness Model...I am not.

This is what I want to look like... ladies, don't we all??  Unfortunately, I do not.  I do not have a personal chef to cook my healthy meals, a personal shopper to pick out the best foods at the grocery store, a nanny to watch my kids while I spend 4+ hours a day at the gym, nor the money to pay for any of that, or even the overall body structure to look like that.  Until we win the lottery and kids take care of themselves and I can work out like it's my job, I will do my best to do squeeze in my Netflix workout video's, push the kids around the block a few times, or wait till the kids go to bed to work out and rely on weight watchers to govern what I eat.  

Maybe if I got my time management skills together I might find some more time in the day to exercise, but now that I have a few extra minutes, why exercise when I can BLOG about being chubby!! Ha Ha

I'm late, I'm late... for a very important date!!

Time management where have you gone??  My husband, Eric, does not think it is very funny that I am really proud of myself when I am only 10 minutes late to be somewhere.  He prides himself on being early... which needless to say aggravates him to no end to go anywhere with me.  In the Coast Guard they have a saying.  "If you are on time you are late.  Five minutes early and you are on time."
I know I'm not the only one who is chronically late. (ahem, Laura Engelmann)  I don't know if I have always been like this because my life before kids is like a black hole.  My brain is so consumed with kids and all things kids that I really have a hard time remembering what life was like before them. 
In my opinion, if you know about something that you have to do the day before you should have enough time to plan ahead and be ready on time and out the door on time.  Does that ever actually happen for me? Nope.  Sometimes I even tell myself that I need to leave 30 minutes earlier than I need to just to balance out the "late factor".  How is it that I still end up late even with the extra 30 minute window?  I'll tell you how- crap happens.  Literally.  It never fails just as I am ready to walk out the door, there is a potty emergency- whether it be in the pants/diaper or in the potty.  Cooper usually waits till I put him in the car seat and then do the last sweep around the house turning off lights and when I get back to him 30 seconds later- poop.
That is my first excuse... the second is that I am no longer just getting myself ready.  I am responsible for making sure everyone is clean, fed, dressed, snacks/drink packed, extra clothes (just in case) and that is not even counting the 4 minutes that I have to throw my hair up in a "mom tail" and change out of my jamies and into some equally form flattering outfit.  My goal lately is to simply not have spit up/pee/poop on me when I leave the house. And lets not forget finding the keys to the car and then the battle of strapping the kids in to their seats.  Mason wants to help with everything and so everything takes 5 minutes longer than it used to.
My third excuse... I'm blogging now... I have to drop Mason off at his friends house at 2 and it is now 12:30 and I have spent the morning cleaning up the house and playing outside with Mason so I look a mess, Mason lost all of his clothes as some point so is now cruising in only undies- and Cooper is sick.  Why wouldn't this be the perfect time to blog about not being able to manage my time... yeah, I know.
The forth excuse (apparently I have a lot of excuses!!)  I do things that really don't matter when I should be doing anything else.  Have to leave in 20 minutes, perfect time to clean out the junk drawer! Then I wonder why I didn't make it!  I heard a funny story this morning about a girl (I won't mention my sisters name for her privacy) Who was running a little late for work (It might run in the family) and thought it was the perfect time to hem her pants... tadaaa- late.  In her defense, she only works one day a week, and not every week.  This puts her in a category all on her own.  I can deal with shlepping around in a tee shirt and jeans where she has to look like a respectable professional... that requires finding more than 4 minutes to get ready... and apparently time to hem pants?? ha ha  And then there is the "this is not my normal routine" factor.  Full time working mom's have their morning schedule and have every day to perfect it. The one day thrown in here or there is what I like to call the "wild card" of time management... anyone who can be on time on one of those "wild card" days... I commend you... and could use some advice on how that actually happens!
Lastly, I think I am an adrenaline junkie.  I think I put things off till the last minute just so that I can rush around and stress and then when I finally get out of the house- I think "Yeah, I did it!" and only 10 minutes late- Whoop whoop!" Don't judge me.  It's a sickness... and as soon as I finish this post and  organize my closet I'm totally going to start working harder on being on time.

Sippy cups... AKA "My Nemesis"

 Moms out there... you know what I'm talking about.  You mention sippy cups and fellow mom's instantly roll their eyes or cringe.  OK, calling them my nemesis seems a bit dramatic, but seriously, there are few things that cause more aggravation than sippy cups.  Let me count the ways... 

First off, I just did a rough count and in my cabinet right now there are approx 18 cups.  Yes, I only have one kid using these cups so why in the world do we have approx 18 cups?? I call it the trap of advertisement... this cup promises not to leak and I'm so frustrated with previous cups that I'm going to just go ahead and believe them.  So, here we are, 18 cups later- most of which are different types... straws, hard spout, soft spout, disposable, real cup like spout, sport top, valves, no no valves, flip straw... etc.  All of which promise "Absolutely NO LEAKS.... well I have a few choice words about that... the first being LIARS!!!!  They all leak in some fashion.  What is it about the straw cups that if you put anything cold in it the liquid just pours out the top while it is standing up?? Seriously, it's not even laying down!! Standing up!!! Ugh!!  The best that we have found are the no insert cups, but once your little one learns that he can poke the holes or they get a little old and the holes get worn... leaksville.  That would be why we have so many... my search for one that does not leak and that is age appropriate for a 2 year old.  

     That leads me to my next frustration.  If you look at the age guideline for the cups, they usually say for 6mth+ or 18mth+... I realize that the goal is for them to be able to drink out of a normal cup like an adult.  I know that I don't want Mason to start school using a baby cup, but right now he is 2, has great coordination, but has no regard for stuff like our couch, hard wood floor, etc.  So, while he does good at drinking out of a real cup, he would not think twice about reaching in to grab the ice, or tossing the cup down wherever and then the shocked reaction "Oh no!! A mess!" Yeah, no kidding a mess, you just accidentally knocked it over on purpose!  So, we stick with the sippy cups unless at meal time, quarantined at the table.

     Who has room for 18 kid cups in their cabinet? Not me... not anyone I imagine... which means that they are crammed into that one shelf in some sort of imaginary organization that when you try to get the one you want- it is naturally the one all the way in the back- and as you try to wiggle and squeeze your hand to the back without disturbing the others, ultimately they all fall out.  This is where I would like to throw them all across the room, but then I remember that I will be the one to have to pick them up so, defeated again, I pick them up and put them all back.

     Then there is the gross factor.  I never felt like the insert valves ever got clean enough.  I have been known to stand at the sink with a soapy tooth pick trying to make sure it was clean.  And then there is that awful feeling when you find the mystery cup in the toy box from who knows when.  I have found a few of those and the glutton for punishment that I am open it up all while chanting "Please be water... Please be water!!" It never is.  The mystery cup is ALWAYS milk... or what used to be milk that is now a gross science project.

There is no real conclusion... it is just an understanding that sippy cups suck, but are a necessity until that magical age when they can successfully use a regular cup.  Until then I just have to wonder... why do I keep all of these cups that leak and cause so much frustration... the simple answers: I deliriously hope that next time I put a drink in them they are magically not going to leak... I realize that is a dumb idea, but a girl can hope right?  Then there is the answer that I spent precious dollars from our already tight budget to buy these dang things so they will stay in the cabinet.  Finally the best answer I can think of... I am a glutton for punishment. Period.

Day Light Savings... you mother...

I am a mess.  More so than usual. The reason... Day light savings time was Saturday.  Today, the kids slept in... I even had to wake Cooper up.  This is not my first rodeo with day light savings, nor with a baby who wants to sleep in.  What does that mean?  I know first hand  from my naive/ tired/ first time mom experience that enjoying the few extra alone minutes in the morning while the kids slumber away equals out to disaster.  Everything is off schedule... everything. Which means that I am off schedule and that makes me a bit frazzled. So, since I know this- my boys do not sleep in.  The latest I am willing to go is 7:30 (which almost never happens) and even then I'm pacing in front of the door for 30 minutes thinking "any minute... any minute he is going to wake up and we can get the day started".
So today was off from the start.  I stayed up WAY too late last night enjoying the quiet of the house and the control of the remote.  After a long day of loud and crazy- I NEED that down time. So, I was extra sleepy this morning.  I may have slept past my normal wake up time- anywhere between 6-6:30 ish courtesy of one of the boys... which is too early but as long as the clock doesn't start with a 5 I'm all good.
Breakfast was delayed, Coop's first nap was a mess. Lunch was late and now I'm struggling with naps again... Hopefully at some point today we can shake it and be back to normal tomorrow but until then I'm blaming and cussing the ole' day lights saving time... today, you mother, you win.

Tales from the Toilet: The disaster that is potty training our son...

Mason pooped in his pants this morning.  Today would be different though because where he usually tells me immediately after, today I was in for a bit of a surprise.  How did I find out he did the deed?  I was putting clothes away for 3 minutes- I know, I know... another situation where I wasn't watching his every move, I am a terrible mom.  I heard the toilet flush and I was instantly concerned.  I did have a delirious moment where I thought "OMG! He used the potty, wiped his own hiney, and flushed all on his own"... yeah, not the case.  I rush to the bathroom and what do I find? Drum roll please...  A no pants wearing, dirty hineyed Mason elbow deep in the toilet washing out his big boy undies... awesome.

Getting started...again

It's a rainy day and I have a million things to do and so now seems like the perfect time to sit down and write.  So, here is a little about myself and this blog for anyone who cares to know... I started this blog about 6 months ago... I wrote about the peril of our fish and the antics of my kids but then life seemed to get in the way and then when I went back to start back up- POOF- Gone. So now I made a new blog- with the same name- and here we go... again.

I am a wife of 6 years, Mother of 2 totally awesome boys, Coast Guard Reservist, Stay at home mom, Weight Watchers member, exercise enthusiast, wanna be martha stuart, and wanna be chef... I don't claim to be able to do it all, but I do give it my all and that is all that matters- Right?  

Here's hopefully more than just my sister will read this... someone famous will want to turn my life into a movie, they will pay a gizzilan dollars for the rights, and I will be played by someone totally fabulous and I can pretend that they picked her because she looks just like me! Hey, a girl can dream!!